Eat Your Art Out, Jeff

Marcel Duchamp's Touch Up

The story is probably super dated and for all I know Jeff Bezos could be at New York City's Bellevue Hospital having his stomach pumped.

I take that back. I would likely have already watched him eat the Mona Lisa. Or seen the highlights online; clicked the little arrow several times over to ensure that I had satisfactorily digested the artistic je ne sais quoi.

I can see him chomping into those enigmatically ironic lips that for centuries have dazzled the cognoscenti.

I can see him puckering his lips, lifting the little finger of his left hand, and forthwith, pronouncing: "That's good!"

That's worth $60 bills, easy. As in $60 billion, the estimated value of DaVinci's 16th Century masterpiece. Bezos's himself is valued at $200 billion, so he could easily afford to purchase the fair lady.

The absurdity of eating an original work of art, especially the most prized piece on the planet, would certainly qualify as art in itself, especially if masticated by the most ridiculously rich man on earth.

"To imagine a new art, one must break the ancient art," posited French author Marcel Schwob more than 100 years ago. Jeff could do this.

The truth is, of course, Bezos has not reached into his deep pocket to make art history. However, a petition still circulates urging Mr. Amazon to do so. As of this morning, nearly 16,000 signatures have been gathered online. Change.org petition 

The petition was instigated as a joke by Kane Powell, a resident of Stevensville, Md. "No one has eaten the Mona Lisa and we think Jeff Bezos should take a stand and make this happen," the petition states. It would be high "entertainment."

The esteemed piece of Renaissance art is part of France's national collection housed at the Louvre in Paris. As such, experts claim, it is a national treasure and possesses "moral rights" -- droits maraux -- that are supposed to protect art from being denigrated, if not eaten.

But here's the catch: That statute is only about 100 years old and the Mona Lisa, painted by Leonardo DaVinci, was completed in 1506. You can't simply slap a new rule on a piece of art like that. In 1919, Marcel Duchamp purchased a print of the Mona Lisa and with a few satirical brush strokes added a mustache and goatee.  He even made note of the lady's attractive rear end: LHOOQ, pronounce each letter with a French accent.

But we're talking about the original ML.

What to do?

Bezos the billionaire will step down this week from his position as CEO of Amazon. Perhaps, and I only speculate, he might want to go into the history books as more than a business wunderkind/slave driver. He may have a latent, untapped desire to be remembered as a gallant, flamboyant artiste.

Mr. Bezos could theoretically afford it, French tech executive Stephane Distinguin reportedly told the New York Times. "Eating it might prove more difficult but it would really depend on Mr. Bezo's stomach."

And we could watch on YouTube.