Breaking News: Trump-Putin Partnership

Art:KCS

In a surprise announcement today, Russian Premier Vladimir Putin named former US President Donald Trump his aide-de-camp.

Following a brief Zoom meeting on Thursday between the two kleptocrats, Russian media carried the story that included a brief segment with Fox News propagandist Tucker Carlson who opined: "Very cool."

The Russian tyrant explained that Trump would handle all Tweets, blurbs, sound bites coming from the Kremlin. He will also carry the premier's brief case and shine his shoes.

"He [Trump] is an excellent liar who can flip a narrative with the aplomb of 300-lb bear," Putin reportedly said from his solitary chair in the center of his bed chamber, where he has been keeping himself safe and munching on Russian sushki

Confirming the report on Fox News, the former US President called the Russian dictator "a genius. He's very very very savvy. I've always believed him over  the lazy US Intelligence sources who don't like me.

"I don't think I'll ever fire Putin!" quipped the nefarious orange-haired tycoon who is accused of numerous illegalities in his own country, including tax fraud, inciting an insurrection and funneling millions of government dollars into his Trump brand coffers.

"I may even give Vlad the secret U.S. nuclear code that I copied from classified papers I brought home after the election," he added.

The former President's children -- Ivanka, Eric and Donald Jr. -- are scheduled to air a special announcement in which they will blame US President Joseph Biden for the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

"Putin has played Sleepy Joe like a drum," according to a preview of the announcement by the adult children.

"It never would have happened under Dad's watch. Dad and Vlad are good friends with the highest respect for each other and their activities."

The Russian tyrant, who is already being accused of crimes against humanity for his unprovoked invasion of a sovereign country and the death of innocent civilians, reportedly said he would keep all further plans regarding the former president top secret. 

According to a source within the Kremlin who has knowledge of these matters: "They're a perfect match. I hope they don't harm each other, if you know what I mean."