You Know You're a Geezer...

 

When the simple act of watching your grandson tackle a hot dog gives you pleasure.

When you get a speeding ticket and you think it's cool. You broke the speed limit!

When nobody laughs at your jokes. You're considered funny for other reasons.

When you have a 54-year-old daughter, and a 22-year-old granddaughter graduating from college, a life-opening accomplishment too long ago.

When you go to bed at 9 and think you've stayed up too late. Not so much from fatigue, more your bio- rhythms have shifted.

When you can't remember your neighbor's name, even though you spoke to her yesterday and asked.

When you realize that you're shrinking.

When you make a pact never to drive at night because it's dark, the time you once went out to party and drive fast.

When you flirt with elderly women (or men).

When you read the same book over and over and there's no exam coming up. And it seems vaguely familiar. You've been here before.

When you translate a QR code as Quite Ridiculous.

When you remember the phrase "I Like Ike" as though it was yesterday. Beware of the military industrial complex.

When news of the world scares hell out of you.

When you wake up at dawn and your body creaks like a rusty hay baler.

When you know even vaguely what a hay baler might be.

When you remember before the iPhone and the remote control there was the far-out grooviness of the clock radio, which started and ended your day. AM radio. All the hits. Dodger games.

When you start laughing uncontrollably for no reason.

When you discover that you really do have a great singing voice. But nobody wants to hear you sing.

When you tell your grandkids that something is "bitchin."

When you realize that you are smarter than everyone else.

When you begin playing ukulele with senior citizens.

When you spend an afternoon with your 5-year-old grandson and feel like you've competed in an ironman triathlon.

When you can't decide whether it's better to walk, drive or just relax in a swing on the porch.

When you look back over the years and admit how fortunate you've been to be able to smell the roses, run with the wind, listen to great music, play with good friends and still be hanging around.

If you’re a geezer or geezerette, feel free to add your own wisdomry. We can even make up our own words!