It's a Big Beautiful Day

 I love the smell of deportations in the morning. Kindly, Your President

I've come a long way since those youthful days in Queens. Who would have known that I would become the most famous, greatest man not only in the world, but in the history of the world. Beautiful. If you think about it. Which I like to do. Some say I'm the "most beautiful" ever. Maybe that's the same thing but it's worth saying again. I like to stare at the ceiling in the middle of the night and pretend that I own everything, which is really not that unrealistic if you think about it realistically. 

But I can only stare at something for about a second before I grab my laptop and post something on my own social network called Truth Social. Don't you think that's a beautiful name for a social network, putting the word "truth" in front, which, by the way, begins with the same letters as my name T-R-U. I am a very stable genius and just starting to reach my potential, which a lot of people are saying, is the greatest the world has ever seen.

I like to post something that scares the shit out of people and then watch them squirm. It's in my make-up. Not the goop I put on my face but in my essence. People don't realize that I am familiar with essences. I tell Melania every day that her essence smells beautiful. She adores me for it. Not that she wouldn't adore me anyway because she does. Just the other day she told me that I was the sexiest man she has ever seen. She can't get enough of me. I actually am constantly running away from her. She craves my body.

But I'm very busy looking in the mirror, watching television, figuring out ways to comb my hair so that it looks real and getting mad at my staff of ... well, losers, really. But they think I love them. And that's the key to making a beautiful deal which I constantly am doing every second.

Right now, I'm going to call my good friend Vlad the Mad Putin. He doesn't know I call him that because I am constantly working him into a corner. It's called making a deal and only I can do it. I've got his private number that he only gives to me. Okay: listen, Vlad's phone is about to ring: buzzzzzz, buzzzzz, buzzzzzz... buzzzzzzz... (no answer).

He's probably out riding his horse. I'll call back a little later. 

I once said that "tariff" is the most beautiful word in the world. It has a ring to it and it starts with the letter "t", the same as my name. Tariffs are another way of making people squirm. I just love it! I don't love the people. I just like watching them react so quickly, very quickly. That's one of my secrets to success, threaten people with words and scowls. It's how you make America great again, the same way you train a tiger. My scowl is my whip. I love my mettlefor of people as tigers and my words as the whip. I know, it's very clever. Some say the most clever they've ever seen.

Some say you have to forgive your enemies, which is the biggest joke I've ever heard. You don't forgive anyone. Period. That's a loser. It's like not beating your dog for shitting on your carpet. You think a dog will stop shitting on your carpet if you forgive the dog? Get real. Threaten the dog. Punish the dog. Set an example. Same thing with democrats or anyone who disagrees with you or insults you. Post a line on social media calling them scum of the earth or vermin of humanity, and use their name.

Hell, I'll indict them and send them to court or jail, the same as an immigrant. Make America safe again.  Do you feel safe? Gotcha.

I love firing people from their jobs or whatever. I got famous for doing that on my TV show, The Apprentice, which was the most beautiful and famous show ever on television. Practice makes perfect and I've been doing it ever since.

You probably have heard that I am the President of Peace. That's what they say. I've ended more wars in the world than anyone ever. Now that I've renamed our Department of Defense the Department of War I will be ending even more wars. Which reminds me, let's try Vlad again on the phone, his personal number of course, only I have that number.

Buzzzzzzzz. Buzzzzzzzz. Buzzzzzzzz. 

(Gruff voice answers) Who is this?!!!

Vlad, it's me, Don.

Don who?

You know, Don Trump

I told you not to call me anymore, Yankee. For that, I'm going to send another drone strike over Poland this time.

Very funny, Vlad.

(Click).

That's beautiful. What a guy. I've got him where I want him. I'm on roll. I'm going to order some more gold for the Oval. You know I'm building a big beautiful ballroom, 150-thousand square feet, to go next to the White House. They say I'm the greatest ever. Do you want to buy one of my meme coins. I get 75-percent. Beautiful.