The Shorts & Longs of It

My dog Frida and me on a balmy winter day in Manhattan Beach

My late good friend John Gilchrist would not be caught without his shorts on.

I'm talking about outer shorts, not under shorts.

Through rain or sleet or hail or snow, John wore his shorts as a statement. Although he never explained that statement, I knew him well enough to understand that it was his way of expressing independence and lifting a middle finger toward convention.

I don't believe he owned a pair of long pants. He lived most of his life bare-legged, with a wry smile on his face.

Today, it seems that a good percentage of the male population are wearing shorts, and will continue to do so through the coming winter. Come hell or high water.

Google "men in shorts" and you will see a gallery of male adults, many in GQ-style jackets and shirts, exposing an array of hairy knees and calves.

Is it a "chick magnet?" 

Or "just men being men."

"My legs don't get cold," says one proud shorts-wearing guy from New Jersey.

Some say it's macho. Full-length slacks and jeans are for babies.

When I hear that, I think to myself: Wild Bill Hickock didn't wear shorts. Superman wore tights not shorts. I never saw Paul Newman in short pants. James Bond doesn't prance around in Bermudas. 

Bare-legged macho stride

Some men retire and don shorts for the rest of their lives, but who wants to brag about being retired? Why not just wear pajamas.

"Shorts are more comfortable," is the most oft-heard explanation from men who wear shorts.

Granted, when I'm in Hawaii, I wear board shorts, ever ready to dive into the ocean for a refreshing cool-off. 

If you dive into the frigid Pacific in Santa Cruz you had better be wearing more than board shorts, dude, or prepare for a case of hyper hypothermia. 

Still, the question of whether to go long or short has been a minor conundrum for me. 

That hasn't stopped me from pulling on a pair of cargo shorts, currently on the "very bad choice" fashion list. 

But who's into fashion? If I'm going to be puttering around in the yard on a hot day, I like a place to put my things. Like in a cargo pocket. 

I always seem to have a lot of things: cell phone, tape measure, clippers, keys, pocket knife, screwdriver, pair of gloves, sunglasses, reading glasses, a glass of water (scratch that last one). I put my canister of water on the table next to the lounge chair and always forget where it is.

Hey, I'm not perfect. And I like shorts. But year-round?

It works in Florida

Actually, I've never tried it for the entire year. Maybe I'll start on December 1. I'm sheltering anyway. It's not like I'll be going to any galas or anything. My social calendar is, as Larry David would say, prittay, prittay spare. Come to think of it: I've never seen him in short pants.

If I get really cold I can always pull on a pair of long socks. But that would be cheating, wouldn't it? The whole idea is to show off your bony legs. 

And what about those guys who wear shorts over tights! Lame. As cousin Jimmy says: "You can't have it both ways."

Why not slip into a pair of comfortable long trousers. A pair of Levis. 501's. Red color for hipness. What am I trying to prove?

I know what John Gilchrist would say. He was very good at throwing out playful insults, while walking around in shorts.

"Lose the long pants, Samson. They make you look older than you are."

Easy for him to say. He lived in Santa Barbara.