Real Men Don't Wear Coconut Bras

Island Joe and the Aloha Boys. PHOTO:BBS

Remember when we could get together and party? Let our hair down and dance around? Rub shoulders, press the flesh and even hug?

Those were the days, my friend, they seem to have come to an end.

At least through this holiday season.

Which reminds me of a holiday gig some years ago at the fabulous Cocoanut Grove Ballroom on the Main Beach in Santa Cruz, the very same ballroom where the Royal Hawaiian Orchestra played on opening night in 1907. Over the years the stage has been graced with the likes of Tommy Dorsey, Benny Goodman, Les Brown, Merv Griffin, Count Basie, the Beach Boys, the Talking Heads and local favorites, the Clamtones.

This was a private affair for employees and guests of the Seaside Company, parent of the historic Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk.

This annual, gala event was the most well-attended and looked-forward-to occasion of the year for Seaside employees, strewn with good cheer, plenty of tinsel, lots of cool prizes, champagne, cocktails, awards, and a four-entre' banquet with numerous sides the likes of a Las Vegas Strip casino, including carefully prepared desserts under the direction of the grove's exceptional pastry chef. Think fluffy cream puffs, lemon cakes and piled-high decadent chocolate confections. 

Guests were dressed to the nines in their jackets, ties, dresses and gowns. Photos were taken. The Bay View Room sizzled with conversation and good cheer.

With bellies full and moods juiced with libations, let the entertainment begin!

I should preface this section of my story by telling you that I was employed in the Marketing Dept. of the Seaside Company for nearly 17 years, during which I was initiated and became inebriated by the spirit of fun. Having fun was our motto. It was not forced fun, more an organic, spontaneous cheerfulness from the top down.

We were a classic seaside amusement park and our product was nostalgia and FUN!

"Howz it goin?" the president of the company, Charles Canfield, would greet me in the hallway with a big smile. He took me to play golf at his private club. One time he even ran into a ravine covered with poison oak to retrieve my errant golf ball.

"See what he does for you," remarked a fellow golfer.

It was true. It was like being a kid again. The culture brought out my inner child.

So I had this idea. And I had an ukulele and a straw porkpie hat. I convinced two guys in our department to don grass skirts and go on stage with me as Island Joe and the Aloha Boys. Mike, the younger guy, had no problem with the costume, but Marty, was not so sure about dancing on stage in a grass skirt in front of 250 people. At least we didn't ask him to wear a coconut bra.

I would sing the first chorus of Mele Kalikimaka and play ukulele while they danced. Then for the second chorus we would all sing together, just like Bette Midler and Jimmy Buffet had recorded their separate versions of the song. Jimmy was backed up by the Coral Reefers. I had the Aloha Boys.

Sandi Jo from Human Resources hosted the event. Sandi has a great singing voice and a moxie as saucy as the aforementioned Ms. Divine, Bette Midler. She knew how to make President Charles the butt of a good-humored joke.

And, of course, Charles would be in the audience with his lovely wife, often sharing a table with a roller coaster mechanic and a plumber, with their partners. A good president understands humility.

"Please welcome to the Cocoanut Grove stage," announced Sandi Jo,  "Island Joe and the Aloha Boys!"

We ran onto the elevated stage like Peter, Paul and Mary used to do, with high energy and a poignant message. Our message was not so much political as comical. No doubt, much funnier than we realized.

Marty bounced around in his grass skirt with a sublime expression on his face. Mike wiggled his butt and hammed it up. I strummed away and sang my heart out as though I were channeling Bing Crosby. The crowd loved it!

Mele Kalimkaka is the thing to say on a bright Hawaiian Christmas Day

That's the island greeting that we send to you from the land where palm trees sway

Here we know our Christmas will be green and bright

The sun will shine by day and all the stars at night

Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way to say Merry Christmas... a very very Merry Christmas...

a very Merry Merry Christmas... to you!

Following our act, we ran off stage into the dressing room. The guys took off their skirts and I removed my straw hat. We surreptitiously resumed our seats in the audience of dinner tables. Some did not realize who the three performers had been, although they talked it about for weeks and by then we were stars. Or so we imagined.

Those were, indeed, the days, my friends. The Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, sadly, has been shut down for nearly a year due to COVID. Jobs have been lost. There was not a holiday party this year.

Here's wishing for an uplifting, healing and fun comeback in 2021! 

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year! 

Mele Kalikimaka to all!

Copyright: Kevin Samson from Silence of the Oranges, working title memoir.